omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
