I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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