Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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