y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
