I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
