so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
