We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
