Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
