you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
