My liver just broke up with me...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
