K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
