I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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