we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize