I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
