party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
