This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
