dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
