I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
