My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
