like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
