Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
