she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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