batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
