Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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