last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
