this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
