He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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