I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
