new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
