you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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