just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
