When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize