His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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