Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she peed on how many people?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
