ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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