Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
