When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
