I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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