I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
