it was like his penis was on wheels.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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