i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
