New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
