so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
