my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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