I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize