So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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