Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
