OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
