We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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