i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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