idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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