I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
