I am puke
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
