I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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