Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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