don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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