if i can run in heels then i can drive
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
