I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize