I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
