Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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