Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
