I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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