I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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